


Don't Stop Trying to Find Me Here Amidst the Chaos

by Habie



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 06:18:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19312360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Habie/pseuds/Habie
Summary: Aziraphale couldn’t remember the last time he experienced a nightmare. He wasn’t sure if he actually had ever before, but this one had been bad. An unexpected mixture of his very limited memories of Hell and fears and perhaps a sprinkling of imagination for good measure.





	Don't Stop Trying to Find Me Here Amidst the Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> "Come by the fire, lay down your head  
> My love, I see you're growing tired  
> So set the bad day by the bed, and rest a while  
> Your eyes can close  
> You don't have to do a thing but listen to me sing  
> I know you miss the world, the one you knew  
> The one where everything made sense  
> Because you didn't know the truth, that's how it works  
> 'Til the bottom drops out and you learn  
> We're all just hunters seeking solid ground  
> Don't stop trying to find me here amidst the chaos"  
> -Orpheus  
> by Sara Bareilles

Aziraphale couldn’t remember the last time he experienced a nightmare. He wasn’t sure if he actually had ever before, but this one had been bad. An unexpected mixture of his very limited memories of Hell and fears and perhaps a sprinkling of imagination for good measure. Everything ran together like blood through water and the panic he woke in was numbing and sickening. He wasn’t sure if he yelped when he woke up or if his ears were just ringing. It took him many more seconds than it should have to realize that he was trembling and coated in sweat, freezing and uncomfortable. It was quick to miracle away, but the feeling under his skin lingered.

He reached for the phone on his side table, a corded rotary that he refused to replace with a mobile one, and dialed the only number he’d ever bothered to memorize. It rang once and then twice and Aziraphale found himself with some less than kind words to say to the ringtone as he waited for Crowley to pick up.

“Hello?” a voice finally came through, bleary and confused. Aziraphale could almost hear how puffy and sleep hungry his eyes were through the phone.

“Hello. Hi — Hi. Are you all right?”

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Crowley responded in something between a groan and a yawn.

“Y-No,” the angel stammered, looking over at his clock. It was late, very late. Oops. “Yes. I’m sorry, I just — are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m okay. I was doing goddamn great until you called me at 3 in the bloody morning.”

“Sorry,” Aziraphale winced. He felt bad, he really did. He knew how much Crowley enjoyed sleeping, how accustomed to it he had gotten. If the angel was being honest, he would sound just as annoyed and exhausted if the tables were turned. But it had just felt too real.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Sorry?”

“Okay, Angel. Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“Oh,” Aziraphale tried to explain himself in a way that wouldn’t make him feel like an idiot. “I had a nightmare,” he settled on, feeling like an idiot.

“A nightmare?”

“Yes.”

“You called me in the middle of the night over a nightmare?”

“Yes. Sorry. I’ll let —”

“How bad was it?” Crowley interrupted him, his voice a little less sharp and sardonic than a moment ago.

“It wasn’t — It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“I mean it must have been at least ‘call me at three in the morning’ bad, yeah?”

“...Yeah. You promise you’re fine, though?”

“Yes, Angel. I promise,” Crowley replied slowly, as if he were explaining the wetness of water. “I am completely and unequivocally fine.”

Aziraphale nodded to nobody in particular. “Right. Well then. Yes. I’ll let you get back to sleep then, Crowley. Sorry for the bother.”

He pressed the phone back into the receiver without waiting for a response or any more questions or chiding. He only considered after the fact that a “love you” or a “good night,” might have been a better way to end the conversation — that maybe he would have received one. But now he felt hot with embarrassment, a feeling that didn’t mix well with the chill and chest ache of anxiety, but he’d heard Crowley’s voice at least and the demon was ok. He’d likely be teased next time they saw each other, but Aziaphale accepted that, laying back down and curling up.

He’d only been in Hell for a little while — a few hours at the most — but it had been enough for an eternity. How did Crowley stand it without losing himself? Aziraphale had expected the darkness and the cruelty. He’d expected it to feel hopeless. He hadn’t expected to have to watch a perfectly innocent demon — well, innocent by demon standards — be destroyed as a scare tactic? As a _test_? Why?

At the time he’d told himself to keep it together, don’t think about it too hard, don’t react, don’t dare break character. But as the days passed — the weeks… He’d never seen before what happens when a demon came in contact with holy water. He knew, of course. He knew in the same way that he knew about medical procedures. Always theoretical and clinical; never hands on, never in the same room, even. And he hadn’t expected it to look like that; it was _horrible_.

But now he couldn’t stop seeing it. It would periodically come to mind, out of nowhere, for just a moment. Always enough to leave him feeling lightheaded.

And every now and again when he wasn’t paying attention to his own thoughts the small voice in the back of his head would remind him, ‘ _That could have been Crowley. It still could be if you’re not careful._ ’

He hadn’t been prepared for that small voice to pop up again while he was sleeping, for it to take over his entire mind and put him back in that room with the same crowd and the same bathtub of holy water. Only this time Crowley was there too and Aziraphale was Aziraphale and he couldn’t move or maybe he was being held back. In that place he couldn’t hear anything besides his own screaming.

Aziraphale tried to force himself to stop fixating on the dream and buried his face into his pillow, but it wouldn’t go. It played on the back of his eyelids and yelled for him to pay attention until the angel considered getting up and starting the day well before dawn, finding a comforting book to re-read, making a cup of cocoa. Anything to distract himself from that evil little voice.

The very quiet click of his door’s lock stopped him and demanded all of his attention and the bump and “Oh, shit,” from a voice he knew better than his own eased his speeding train of thought to a stop.

Familiar footsteps moved towards him, pausing at his bedroom door and gently opening it with a nearly inaudible click and then an almost equally gentle close. Aziraphale didn’t move as he listened to the shuffle in his room behind him and felt a familiar weight being added to his mattress, an arm slung over his own and a chin pressed to the back of his shoulder.

“Move over,” Crowley said simply. His tone short and tired but the sarcastic edge from before was missing now.

Aziraphale complied, quiet for a long moment. “You didn’t need to come over.”

“You called in the middle of the night, sounded like you were about to cry, and then hung up on me.”

“I’m all right.”

“Sure, Angel.”

“I — well, thank you.”

“Shut it. Go back to sleep. Tell me about it in the morning.”

Aziraphale nodded and closed his eyes, the small voice finally quiet again for the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been thinking about this for a minute. Crowley would be used to some dark terrible things that would happen in Hell. He wouldn't love it, but he's used to it by now. But Aziraphale is soft and squishy and kind and has definitely never seen a demon melt before and that would have been traumatic for him. So.
> 
> Once again, my friend Katie is an incredible friend who looks at my self indulgent unedited ramblings and helps me trick y'all into thinking that I'm remotely literate. =P
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> As always, feel free to come be my friend on  
> Tumblr at CallMeHabie  
> Instagram at Habie_Cosplays (I'm working on lots of fun cosplays) &  
> Twitter at Habie_Cosplays.  
> Tell me the fic sent you, I'll love it!  
> I also have a linktree, which may be a ton easier to navigate. ---> https://linktr.ee/habie_cosplays


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